Hey! I am 23 and keep a parenting blog from the kid’s perspective. If you are a teen or tween and have something to say to parents, check us out at: RadicalParenting.com or email me to become a writer, Vanessa Van Petten.
IM:
Alyssa22: Anyways, I have 2go study for my test, talk 2morrow?
Jackiesmiley: Now? It is not for another 2 days, = ) you are such a nerd! Start tomorrow lol
Alyssa22: Whatever, I guess I have a game tomorrow so I got2 start 2nite
Jackiesmiley: Nooooo! Half of the grade has stuff tomorrow, if you get off you might miss chatting with eric…. ; )
Alyssa22: ahhhh, I know, my mom will kill me though! I go2go, talk to you tomorrow
Jackiesmiley: Wait wait, I am so sad, I will miss you,
Alyssa22: we can talk maybe on my break in like an hour
Jackiesmiley: ohhh = ( I love talking to you because ur my BFF!
Alyssa22: OK, I will come on in an hour and checkin k? BBS [Be back soon]
Jackiesmiley: before you go!!!!!! Alyssaaaaaaaa??
Alyssa22: ya ya ya still here
Jackiesmiley: I forgot to tell you I am deciding who is coming to my skate night this Saturday. I can really only invite a few ppl you know?
Alyssa22: oh ya…I want to go!
Jackiesmiley: are you only friends with me because of my skate night? Now all of a sudden you want to talk? That’s lame.
Alyssa22: No that’s not true, I would talk anyway I just had to study!
Jackiesmiley:…
Alyssa22: Ok fine, I am here, how about we wait for Eric together and plan outfits for skate night?
Jackiesmiley: I knew you were really my BFF. How did I doubt you, since you are awesome, you want to get ready with me before on Sat?
Alyssa22: Ya, cool! Excited = )
I call these types of teens Guilt Bullies. Notice the nuances of a Guilt Bully.
1) With Pride
I worked with this group of girls in my Clique Workshops for girls. So, a few days later, when I saw “Jackiesmiley”, I called her out on the behavior. Do you know what she said?
“I know I am so good at getting her to do what I want!” [Laughter]
Most guilt bullies are quite proud of the skills they have to manipulate people and do it quite consciously. Or, those who are unaware of how they do it, do not realize how manipulative it is.
2) Casually Mean
This conversation is not mean, but it is casually malicious. Notice the “LOLs” and use of “smiley faces.” This is an easy way to pad the snide remarks “you are such a nerd” etc. This makes it difficult for the victim to call them out on negative behavior. With the smiley faces and LOL’s the bully can always say that she/he wasn’t serious.
3) Shift Until It Works
Notice the shift in tactics of Jackie. First, she uses anger and meanness to bully Alyssa. Then, when she realizes it is not going to work, she pretends she is sad and appeals to Alyssa’s sense of friendship. When that doesn’t work, she uses a soft threat.
4) Soft Threats
Jackie’s soft threat is telling Alyssa that she ‘might’ not be able to come to her skate party on Saturday night and loosely links it to her getting offline. This is not an overt threat of taking an experience away from Alyssa, but it works, Alyssa wants to go on Saturday too. Usually soft threats are stating something unpleasant without mentioning all the ways it could hurt the other person. Jackie could have mentioned that if Alyssa didn’t stay online, and therefore was uninvited Saturday, not only would she miss a fun experience, she might not ever be invited again, she would miss out on time with the ‘group’ where they would tell stories about the night every day at lunch and doing so would jeopardize Alyssa’s membership of the clique.
Another Example of a Soft Threat: [Boy talking to girl about the fact that she will not give him a blow job] “Ya, I guess, whatever you want. Its just that…well, it’s just that some of our friends might think it’s weird, you know, which I guess I can put up with, because I at least care about you.”
What he is not saying, but still saying:
-Everyone else is doing it
-You are weird
-You are uncool
-You will be out of place with my friends
-My friends could convince me that you are uncool, because I am unsure about this
-Something is wrong with you for not wanting to do this
-Not many people care about you
-To prove you care about me, you better do this.
5) Guilt
See the line: “look how much I care about you’ is sandwiched into the conversation above. GUILT. Guilt is a huge tool now. Teenagers are great negotiators and they have learned how to use guilt on people they want something from. This is true passive aggressiveness
6) Reward
Notice in the IM conversation above, as soon as Alyssa decides to stay online, Jackie rewards her. This reinforces Jackie’s relative ‘dominance’ over Alyssa and makes Alyssa want to perform well for her. It also helps Jackie make sure that Alyssa feels that staying online was ‘worth it,’ and by design, that Jackie is worth it. The reward idea that many guilt bullies use, also helps cover the fact that they were just subtly mean and used soft threats by distracting their victim with a great prize. The victim leaves feeling like they won something and therefore forgets the other negative feelings.
7) Cyberbullies Enabled
Guilt bullies have always existed, although I personally think that with this generations negotiating teens, it has become more pronounced. The internet, IM, Facebook, MySpace has only further enabled Guilt Bullies by giving them more avenues to work their ‘magic.’
“Just Joking”
I hate this. In my clique workshops and girl training. I often teach girls how to approach each other about interactions and situations that have been difficult. Guilt bullies are very, very good at using the “But, I was just kidding!” Or, “can’t you take a joke!” The use of smiley faces and LOL’s helps Guilt Bullies pull this off. I have girls call them out on this and make a pact ahead of time that that, cannot be an excuse. If they are kidding they should say up front that something is a joke…and jokes do not ever need to be mean.
How to deal with guilt bullies? The first thing is to be aware of these patterns.
Hey! I am 23 and keep a parenting blog from the kid’s perspective. If you are a teen or tween and have something to say to parents, check us out at: RadicalParenting.com or email me to become a writer, Vanessa Van Petten.
Hey! I am 23 and keep a parenting blog from the kid’s perspective. If you are a teen or tween and have something to say to parents, check us out at: Radical Parenting or email me to become a writer or teen trendsetter, Vanessa Van Petten.
There are a 5 different ways that people communicate their love and need to feel their love. Do you ever get irritated that your mom always wants a hug? Or how about that they always want to have ‘family time’ together?
Read below to see why your parents, friends and boyfriend might love the way they do. The five different love languages are:
1) Quality Time
Parents who need quality time crave alone time with you, and want to catch up by having time alone where they can talk and bond.
You need alone time if you find yourself constantly desiring to be with someone and not just hear from them or write to them. You do not feel satisfied or happy until you can be with the person or people you love.
2) Physical Touch
Physical touch is showing love through hugging, cuddling, sexual relations or simply putting a caring hand on someone’s shoulder.
Parents who need physical touch want you to hug them, they want pat your shoulder, rub your head or squeeze your cheeks to feel that you love them and to demonstrate their love for you.
You need physical touch if you feel lonely and lost if you have not been physically near a loved one. You constantly crave to be close to those you care about and demonstrate your love for them with hugs, massages and even sitting close to others.
3) Gifts
The love language gifts does not have to be large or extravagantly expensive gifts, it can be notes, CD’s, flowers or leaving a pastry. These small gifts are tokens of love to the giver or receiver.
Parents who need gifts feel validated when you spend money and/or time picking something out for them. Often times, the saying, ‘it is the thought that counts’ really applies here. They love your drawings or gifts and are greatly offended if you forget their birthday.
You need gifts if you think or wait anxiously for holidays or birthdays to see what your loved ones might get you. Gifts are usually a big test in relationships for people who speak the gift love language.
4) Acts of Service
Acts of service are acts of love when someone does an action for the other. This can be cleaning, cooking, driving or even doing an errand. By doing that act of service the other person feels love or is showing their love.
Parents who need acts of service will sometimes ask their loved ones for favors or errands not because it is easier, but rather because they need the affirmation of the other person’s love. When you do not do a chore and your parent questions your love for them…they probably speak this love language.
You need acts of service if you feel unwanted or unimportant if someone does not follow through on a promise or do something that you ask. When your parents do not show up to a sports game and you feel deeply hurt, you probably speak this love language.
5) Words of Affirmation
Words of affirmation are verbal clues for others to express how much they love and care about someone. Words of affirmation can also be compliments and reassurances that confirm inner love in an outer way.
Parents who need words of affirmation need to hear from the people they love frequently and need to hear, out loud what the other person is thinking to feel loved.
You need words of affirmation if you find yourself constantly needing to hear from your loved one to get reassurance from them. People who want words of affirmation might also fish for compliments because this is the way they feel most loved.
What love language do you speak? How about your parents? If you know your mom needs words of affirmation, you know just saying “I love you” can make her feel loved instead of bringing her flowers or doing the dishes (although that always helps!)
Hey! I am 23 and keep a parenting blog from the kid’s perspective. If you are a teen or tween and have something to say to parents, check us out at: On Teens Today or email me to become a writer, Vanessa Van Petten.
1. The Sponge Mom
Your upset, she’s upset, your happy, she’s happy. These mom want to spend every second with you and worry about you constantly because they want to share your pain, joy and life.
Advice: Sponge moms are so supportive, but if you need some space just tell her you love her and need some boundaries. To avoid making her feel like she is not connected enough, always schedule in some girly bonding time!
2. The Rock Mom
Is your mom the strong silent type? You know she is always there, but isn’t going to get all mushy-gushy when you leave for camp, then you have a rock.
Advice: Rocks can be really great to have, if you feel like you want some more connection, do some activities that she likes to do that maybe do not involve lots of talking, but you are still bonding like going to an amusement park or camping.
3. The Controller Mom
Controller moms, also known as helicopter moms, because they constantly hover around what you are doing. They are not as emotional as sponges, but need to know everything you are doing, what time and can you just squeeze in an extra softball practice? Controller moms mean well, they want you to do well because they think you have huge potential (because you do!) they just do not always show it the right way.
Advice: Controllers are really good at doing a lot themselves and want to be in control, sometimes they do not realize you need a break! If you can feel yourself getting overwhelmed, pull them aside (early…give them time to adjust) and tell them you need some time and a little break.
4. The Easy Peasy Mom
Easy peasy moms are very laid back, you are sometimes reminding them you have to leave for school and rules can be lax. This can be great sometimes, but not when you need help or actually wish you had a mom who would remember to pick up extra Valentines before Valentines Day for your friends.
Advice: Easy Peasy moms just need to be reminded of what you need from them. I find fridge lists help, post-its and maybe even sending the occasional text message! Remember even though it might seem like easy peasy moms do not care, this isn’t true they might not remember, but they still love you tons, they just show it in other ways.
5. The Friend Mom
Does your mom watch Gossip Girl with you because she likes it, not because of the censors? Does she love hanging out with your friends and frequently ask to borrow your clothes? You have a friend mom, friend moms can be great to bond with and often you can have really really great relationships, but sometimes it is hard to have a friend as a parent.
Advice: Make sure your mom understands you love hanging out and bonding with her, but there are certain things you do not love so much—and set your boundaries. Ask her what hers are? Maybe you are OK sharing clothes, but do not want to spend Friday nights at the movies with your friends with her all the time?
No matter what, everyone feels like sometimes their mom is different or annoying, but everyone feels this way no matter what kind of mom you have! Read through the others and know that every type has their ups and downs!
The long wait is finally here for Zack Snyder’s “Watchmen”. and It was definetly worth the wait.
“Watchmen” follows a group of masked vigilantes in an alternate reality. It’s 1985, Richard Nixon is still president. The USA won the Vietnam war, and everyone is paranoid that the US will have a nuclear war with the USSR. The film starts with The Comedian (Jeffrey Dean Morgan) being murdered. Rorschach (the great Jackie Earl Haley) thinks someone is attacking all of the “Watchmen” a 2nd generation of masked vigilantes that have been outlawed and shunned by the crowd in the 70’s. The film introduces them to us, gives us their back story, and we watch as it all unfolds.
“Watchmen” is one of the best graphic novels ever written. Many people have been waiting for his movie, and have built up the hype. For me, I didn’t hype it up. “Watchmen” was one long comic, how they were going to include everything was beyond me. I was pleasently surprised. The movie is nearly 3 hours long, and they still rushed the ending and some of the side stories, instead of ruining the film, I understood. They screenwriters did a great job of trying their best to stay faithful to the novel. The shots of the film were great, and often very close to the novel. The movie focused a bit more on it’s fights then the book did, but that’s cinema for you. They need to keep your attention right? As if Dr. Manhatten’s giant blue dong doesn’t already do that for you.
The acting in very hit and miss. You have Jackie Earl Haley and Patrick Wilson who are pheonomal. Malin Ackerman who needs some obvious work, and Billy Crudup and Matthew Goode were dare I say, boring? The most interesting character to me has always been Rorschach. Both in the novel and in the film, Haley does a great job with him. The special effects were great and even though the film was long it moved at a quick pace. I for one am intersted in this director’s cut that is supposed to be coming out. Not to mention it has a killer soundtrack.
One thind I’d like to point out is that this film is rated R for a reason. I was surprised on how many stupid parents brought their small children to this flick. Did the R rating for violence, langauge and nudity just slip by them? This isn’t a flick for Kids, people. Wait til “Race to Witch Mountain”
Recommended: Yes 4.5/5
Memorable Quote: “I’m not locked in here with you…You’re locked in here with ME” - Rorschach - Jackie Earl Haley
I know it has been a LONG time since I have posted, PLEASE forgive me, but I have some VERY exciting news for you all!! My boyfriend proposed to me and life just took some crazy turns so I had to say goodbye to the magazine for a month or two so I could get life back in order. And I do apologize GREATLY for it, I have missed giving you all recipes to try and enjoy!! But I hope you enjoy these Tasty additions today!
Broccoli Cheese Soup
1pkg frozen broccoli
1 1/2 c. milk
1 c. half + half
1 tsp. onion powder
2 beef bouillon cubes
Dash of salt and pepper (to taste)
2 c. Cubed Velveeta cheese (or more)
Thaw broccoli, break into small chunks Put in blender with milk. Blend until it is in the texture you prefer, Add everything else, but the cheese, just to mix through. Place in a pot and warm on stove, until warm and then add cheese. Stir until cheese is melted.
Spinach Artichoke Dip
1pkg Frozen Chopped Spinach (thawed and squeezed dry)
1 1/4 c. low fat plain yogurt
1 can artichoke hearts, not oil packed, drained
salt and pepper (to taste)
1/2 c. light mayo
1 clove garlic
1 Tbs. dill or basil (I prefer Basil but both are good)
In food processor combine Spinach and artichoke hearts until coarsely chopped. Add mayo, (dill or basil) and garlic clove, process until mixed. Stir in yogurt. season to taste with salt and pepper. Chill before serving. Makes 3 cups.
Chocolate Truffles
8 oz Semisweet or bittersweet Chocolate
2 Tbs. Water
2 Tbs. unsalted butter
3/4 c. heavy cream
2 Tbs. confectioners’ sugar (optional)
Unsweetened cocoa powder
In a small saucepan over low heat, melt the chocolate with the water, stirring occasionally, until smooth, then add the butter a bit at a time, stirring to blend after each addition.
Gradually add the cream, stirring after each addition until the mixture is smooth. Taste and stir in some or all of the sugar if you like. Refrigerate until cool and stiff, about an hour.
Sift some cocoa powder onto a plate (alternatively, you can grind 1/2 cup toasted skinned almonds into a blender or spice mill with 1/4 cup confectioners’ sugar and use that) Line another Plate with waxed paper Use two spoons or your hands to make small balls out of the chocolate mixture, and roll them in the powder. Place on the waxed paper and serve immediately, or refrigerate for up to a day or two. And enjoy <3
Twenty-two year old Karl Bishop attacked Robert Knox, who played Ravenclaw member Marcus Belby in the Harry Potter films) (18) while leaving a bar outside of Sidcup, southeast London. Knox was stabbed five times by Bishop who wielded two kitchen knives. Knox had tried to leave the bar after hearing that Bishop has threatened his younger brother. Bishop is said to be sentenced on Thursday as Knox died in the hospital hours after the attack.
Kids get suspended and even expelled from school for having knives, and adults can definitely be fired from work. Not even mentioning if you carry a weapon into an airport. By carrying a weapon without a license, you are asking for trouble. There is really no reason for it, if you feel you need it for protection, you need to be responsible and go through the proper procedures to get the paperwork done and be licensed to carry one.
There are countless crimes involving those who are unauthorized to be carrying weapons, including gang crimes and hate crimes. They were leaving a bar, so Bishop was probably intoxicated. Bar fights are a serious thing. This night not have happened if he hadn’t had the weapon.
Crimes revolving around knives are becoming hot topics in the UK. Prime Minister Gordon Brown has said, “By carrying a knife you are not only endangering the lives of others, but you are more likely to be killed, or end up in jail.”
The Senate Judiciary Committee chairman, Patrick Leahy, has called to establish a “Truth Commission.” This commission would see to it that those in the Bush administration who were found guilty of wrong doing in the prosecution on terrorism would be chastised appropritely. America has been said to be looked to since some Americans believe the nation is the world’s role model, and the inhumane treatment of prisoners, etc. has damaged that image. One could come to believe- as I do- that this commission may have been partially designed to put America back onto the pedastool many Americans place themselves at on the global scale.
“[Nothing] did more to damage America’s place in the world than the revelation that our great nation stretched the law and the bounds of executive power to authorize torture and cruel treatment,” Sen. Patrick Leahy said at the start of a committee hearing.
President Obama has worked to close Guantanamo Bay within the next year or so. Some of these people may have been wrongfully charged, and have been sitting in line waiting for a hearing since 2001. That’s eight years. Whatever happened to “Innocent until proven guilty” is beyond me.
And Let’s not forget about the conditions of these retention buildings. There have been so many instances since this whole situation started where guards have mistreated and beat the prisoners. I’ve seen several clips on the news, online, etc. where they have been beaten, not given appropriate medical attention, called inappropriate names, and just been all around treated inhumanely. This sort of thing would not be taken lightly if it were someone in America- more so if it were one of the officials who have been found to be covering the situation up or making it out to be false accusations.
President Obama has this to say: “If there are clear instances of wrongdoing, that people should be prosecuted just like any ordinary citizen.”
That’s the way it should be; there shouldn’t have to be assurances about this situation, it should be safe to assume they would be tried as anyone else on the street, or maybe they should be locked up for eight years in the same conditions. That would be barbaric of course; but it happened, and no one did anything to stop it.
There have been videos. There is proof. This sort of thing happens all the time, but whatever happened to equal rights? Why has all of this been hidden and these people left in the dark for the past eight years? They have family and loved ones just like everyone else. Night it be because of their race or religion? If there has been no proof to be used against them-and realistically even if there had been- aren’t they innocent until proven guilty?
Pennsylvania Sen. Arlen Specter (the Judiciary Committee’s ranking Republican) agrees with President Obama’s policy.
“If we have evidence of torture, torture’s a violation of our law. Go after it,” he said. “If there’s reason to believe that [former administration] officials have knowingly given … cover for things they know not to be right and sound, go after them.”
The Truth Commission is underway, and hopefully all of this can be taken care of and everything can taken care the way it should have been.
A woman called 911 recently because she placed an order at a McDonald’s, and they were out of Chicken McNuggets. Hardly a 911 call, but the operator talked to her anyway. Rather than telling her the call was not an emergency, or just hanging up; she asked her if she spoke to management, and she said she had and that she couldn’t get her money back. I guess it must have been a slow day for the operator. I guess it must be rather boring when you’re waiting for something bad to happen so you can do your job. But the thing is, it’s inevitable because of the way society is, so at least she knows she will always have a job. The same goes with crime scene investigators and stuff. The human race is set up to do these sorts of things, so we know we will always need people for the craziest situations.
The woman who called 911 should be fined or something. I’m pretty sure that calling a false emergency is against the law. It’s the equivalent to crying “Fire!” when there isn’t one.
For more advice on dating, kissing, flirting and all that good stuff, come on over to my advice column!
Dear Advice Girl,
What are some tricks to getting rid of hickeys?
Signed, Darla
Dear Darla,
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. No matter what you’ve read on
the Internet, there’s no quick fix that’ll get rid of your hickey overnight.
You can speed up the process a little, but your hickey will still be
around for a couple of days to a week, depending on how big and dark it is.
Try these, but don’t expect a miracle:
Put an ice pack on it right away. It’ll help
reduce the swelling, but it won’t do much for the color. Make sure you take
breaks (10 minutes with ice, then 20 minutes without it) or you’ll damage
your skin even more.
After a day or two, lay a warm washcloth on it for about 15
minutes, three times a day. It’ll increase blood flow and get it healing
faster.
Be healthy. A hickey is really just a bruise, and bruises heal
faster on healthy people. Eat lots of fruits and veggies and your body will
spend less time freaking out over digestion and more time healing your
hickey.
Some people say that vinegar mixed with warm water will help the
color fade. Try it out, but be warned: it’s kind of stinky.
There’s a rumor out there that toothpaste works, but it’s not true.
Save your toothpaste for actually cleaning your teeth, thank you.
Of course, the fastest path towards hickey removal is not to get one in the
first place. So when you feel that icky sucking sensation, tell your sweetie
to knock it off.
Moms did this video on YouTube of all the things a teenager says in a day:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o6P2w5GkXmU
Here is my response to moms:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uJlZnPIzyLg
Hey! I am 23 and keep a parenting blog from the kid’s perspective. If you are a teen or tween and have something to say to parents, check us out at: On Teens Today or email me to become a writer, Vanessa Van Petten.
“Just Joking”
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